Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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