the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
