He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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