make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
