My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
