i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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