and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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