Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize