You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
