hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
