morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
