Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
