i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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