The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
