Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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