Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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