Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
