One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
