i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
