Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
