Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
