would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
as a side note pls kill me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
