My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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