You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
