Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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