Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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