So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
