Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize