When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
