My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize