my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
