ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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