YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
