i think my tv is drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
