So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
