The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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