Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
