I feel like abortions should bother me more
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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