There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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