You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
