I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize