at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
