I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
