I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
