No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
