Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
