I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
