Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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