He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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