what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
