so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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