You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
