Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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