is your mom at the bar?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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