remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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