There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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