im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
