It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
