3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
