If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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