I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
