I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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