Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
