Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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