he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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