Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
