every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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