Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
