Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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