There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
