She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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